The Write Woman Calls Out “A Butt-Face” (129 Days Left)

"Who you calling Butt-Face?"

"I can't wait to break outta this pen!"

For all those people who complain that life is boring, screw you! I’ll trade you for a day, just so I can stop long enough to enjoy a cup of coffee without running out the door and spilling it down my shirt in the process. (And that’s without having a nine-to-five taking a huge chunk of my day.)

The instructor I have at school right now isn’t demanding. Oh no! He’s freaking impossible! Especially if you’re someone who only got S’s (satisfactory) in school for self control. Okay, I did get H’s (honorable), but only by the teachers who really loved me. I have this issue where if something is on my mind, I blurt it out. This may explain why I’m single. But people always know where they stand.

"We're going to be your boss some day, then YOU can ask us for money!"

This works especially well when I’m teaching. Kids never know what to expect when they walk through the door and gasp, “A substitute!” Sometimes in joy and other times in dismay. The funny thing is the ones who are upset are generally the better behaved ones because they respect their instructors and are visibly upset their instructor is not going to see them today. But generally speaking, it works out well about 98% of the time. The kids get the same information, but from an instructor with a diverse viewpoint, which always shakes the lesson up a bit.

I got to teach at one of my favorite schools, a junior high. The kids are so excited to learn at this school. The teachers are spectacular and the walls thick with respect. Indeed a pleasant place to be. Each time I go, I ask who’s had me before and a few kids raise their hands. They remember particular things about me, usually that I’m a writer and sometimes specifics like Smashwords and my “Snow White” story. (Still trying to figure out what to write now.) And sometimes they’ll remember an anecdote I share from my days as a student. I find this evens the playing ground along with my one rule (in addition to the regular teacher’s) – mutual respect. More than them respecting the teacher and vice versa; respecting the others in the class so they can learn, if they choose to. They’re allowed to speak to each other as long as it doesn’t interfere with others and there’s not a test going on. This, of course, includes when someone has something to say aloud whether myself or a student. Otherwise they lose their headsets and speaking abilities. Mostly, they know me pretty well.

“A man deserves a second chance, but keep an eye on him.” ~ The Duke

 

Friday, I got a call for a position and meant to pass it by. I had a huge assignment due from Full Sail University instructor General Hospital. (I call him this because he acts like a general who will hospitalize you if you don’t do what he says! In all seriousness, he was on the soap opera years ago.) If you read the second paragraph, you get it. But I had a huge assignment due Friday night, so I wasn’t about to work during the day. Fail!

A disconnect message from Google came up on my phone screen while I listened to the recording. When I hit the button to dismiss the message, it refused to leave. I hit it multiple times, accepting the position to teach after the stupid message disappeared. Damn it! If I cancelled after accepting, it leaves an ugly red mark that I bailed within 24 hours of accepting a job. To top it off, I had twenty minutes to get there, not to mention getting ready. Besides, I figured it was kismet of some sort that I was tricked into this position. I had a lesson to learn today.

Show your children you love them

Turns out, I was correct. At least I feel the draw was correct, even though I worked until the lights were going off in the library to turn my huge assignment into The General. The kids were incredible, so don’t get me wrong. But a group of students were leaving early for a wake. A seventhgrade girl hanged herself the week before. The third in the district during one month. Seventh grade! Her life hadn’t even started. She’d never been jilted, had a baby, graduated, driven a car… all the things a parent dreads or looks forward to for his or her child. All day long I found myself staring at the background of my cell phone, every chance I got, at my seventh grader and his third grade sister. I wondered what I would do if for some reason, especially one I’d blame myself for, he wasn’t there when I awakened the following morning. What in the hell would I do? I feel horrible for the parents who must endure, but would not exchange places with them for the life of me. Tell your kids every single day how much you love them—and hope they really hear you. More importantly, as they say in film school, “Show, don’t tell!”

The other day I had an elementary class of 5^th graders who were a hoot and a half. Toward the middle of the day they had this peculiar rotation where the kids stayed in their seats while the

teachers rotated through the rooms, giving the same lesson to each class. While it seems moving three people around, rather than nearly a hundred, I was less than enchanted. Two of us that day were subs. What’s the easiest lesson to give a sub who will be rotating between classes? Videos!

Two of us were scheduled to show videos, and the third opted to. In a nutshell, it was expected that fifth graders would sit in their seats, without moving, for a bit more than 2 ½ hours staring at the wall. As if that isn’t enough, we expected them to pay attention without falling asleep. You’d be hard pressed to have me do that! (Which again, probably explains my disdain of the 9 – 5 jobs.)

"I know so much my head pulsates!"

My video was Bill Nye the Science Guy. The kids love him—for forty minutes. But the other substitute had a different film by the same guy. Geez! As fascinated as I am by science, and I am, I can’t watch the doofus have the cameraman move in and out, up and down, and back and forth while he repeats the same words over and over for three periods. Hitler would adopt this technique! By the time I was back to my original class, I sent them outside to play basketball for twenty minutes. They needed to relax! I’m not about to punish myself by forcing them to finish up their torture before lunch, and have mercy on the lunch ladies. It’s bad enough they must stand over hot mush for hours on end with those hair net thingys.

On our way to lunch, we had to stop and let another class go. When it was time to proceed, there was a huge break in the line where the students were facing the wrong way and chatting. “About face!” I touted repeatedly, tapping each kid on the shoulder as I barked. The last one said, “What did you call me?” I was struck with confusion until he followed up with, “Did you call me a butt face?” I laughed so hard I’m surprised I didn’t force blood out my pores. 

What's one of your fav shows? Share it with someone!

Speaking of laughing hard—how long has it been since you’ve seen that one movie that caused you laugh your ass off in high school? Find it! Let you kids watch it, and you’ll laugh all over again. Not at the movie, but at your kids’ reactions to the show. For our family time we watched Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Granted the special effects were par with today’s home movie standards, but the humor is still viable. And who could ever forget George Carlin? He’ll always be one of my favorites. There’s no other movie insinuating that Genghis Khan loved Twinkies. Who thinks of that crap? Someone funny—definitely not me. I think that’s why I love comedy so much. I’m an investor in Left Field.

Writing movie reviews for Geek Smash as well as my own site, is expensive. Not to do the writing, as much as view the materials. Frankly, I haven’t got an extra $40+ a month to invest. Although Tinseltown from Cinemark had stated I would have free access, it hasn’t been granted. Needless to say, I haven’t been able to review as many movies as I’d like, and give them free publicity, so I’ll pay somewhere else.

However, it appears as if I found my dream job, at least until I graduate or sell Vermill!on Beach. I will write formal papers for others via the net. It pays $8 - $20/per page. Research? I’m there! In participating, I’ll be able to live anywhere I want and continue working until I can produce viable work. Isn’t that something? The trick is if ringing the bell at the front door doesn’t work, beat the hell out of the back door. If that doesn’t work, find a window. After all, they say that when one door closes a window opens. There’s always a way waiting to be discovered.