The Write Woman Finally Said it All (D-day is here!)

Surprise! Surprise! My graduation is September 4, 2015, which also happens to be my 49th birthday. Do you have any idea what that means? It means I graduated with a bachelor's degree in less than half a century. Imagine I could get a PhD before I'm dead at this rate. Hmm, Full Sail University has expedited classes. But seriously, others have suggested I write a book about my ongoing attempts to graduate, despite the amnesia on my first attempt and the car accident on my second. What can I say? I refused to give up.

So now the real work begins -- finding a job I love. A job that will make the $75,000 in school debt worthwhile, so while driving around at all hours with a pizza sign tacked to the top of my car does sound like loads of fun, it isn't enough to produce the mental stimulation I desire. Yes, this also means I am off the list of people offering samples at Sam's Club and Costco. I could have taken my worth's weight in passing out burrito samples, for sure. YUM! Are they allowed to sample the food, insuring it has not turned? Kidding.

I'm back to substitute teaching, until I find that needle in the haystack which promises a place where I can use my newly acquired talents and skills to forge a better life for my kids and me. I'm looking for positions to utilize my skills in writing. The good news is that as a substitute teacher, I get direct calls a week in advance to take classes as a preferred instructor.

Meanwhile, back at the Bat Cave, the final project I ended up submitting for school today was Momma's Boy. Sure, it started off with one title and went to another before settling on the best, but I've taken a liking to the story. Others like it too. Who wouldn't like a story about a momma's boy kidnapping girls for his mother and her boyfriend to hold for ransom? But when he discovers the girls die before their release, at the hands of her sadistic boyfriend, he's already fallen for his latest prisoner and needs to do what he can to save her. But we're doing the first ten pages or so into a short.

Also, I'm working with another writer on a team effort project for a webseries that has a lot of proven
potential. Of course it's not proven yet, but if it were the idea wouldn't be worth much, would it? So I can't tell you what the idea is aside from "it'll make you laugh, it'll make you cry..." Okay, the show won't make you cry, but it will make you laugh and think-- just not at the same time. I don't believe that's even possible, is it?

Anyway, if you find your company needs a writer, or you're simply just the curious sort, feel free to check out the website of MJ Brewer the writer! Until then, know that an education was the right way to go -- now I just need to pay the $708/month to back it up. Wish me luck!

Hope you enjoyed watching me grow over the past year into a professional writer. Everyone should get an education in something they love.

What The Write Woman does with One Week of School (11 Days to Freedom!)

freedom and a reality check! My whole world is turning upside down, like losing a job I have to pay to work. All the friends I’ve made, even the ones who pretend to be my friends so that if I have to give them feedback, it will be nice. That usually doesn’t work though. I am unaware of what the disorder is called, but everything is black or white without the gray. It’s either right or wrong. Geez, I’d hate to be judged by me! No wonder I'm single!

So my computer was in the shop, and I was freaking out, because I was told I’d get my system back by Monday. This would mean one more week to complete two weeks of two high caliber classes. Not fun! Thank goodness I got most of the work done in advance, before the issues, and got the computer back on Friday. I’m not one to procrastinate. Usually companies like that in their employees, unless we're talking about government workers. 

When I worked for the prison, about ten years ago, I was told to slow down. My supervisor told me I would work myself right out of a job. I had ideas that would save the company time and effort, making it run so much easier (right after I located Gary Gilmore’s files that had been lost for over a decade). Needless to say, she was right. Six months later, the day after she left for vacation, I was escorted from the premises without a reason or explanation. In fact, of the six people in charge of my paperwork, not one had an answer other than I’d need to ask MaryAnn Redding. The worst part that killed me the most was her husband was having surgery, so I collected funds and set up a horse and carriage ride for them when she returned. But did I learn anything from the experience? Did I learn not to work too hard? Did I learn not to do things for people who don’t like me? The answer is no. However, I will not go out of my way to allow her passage, or assistance if the time comes later. I’m not stupid, but I learned people can be mean.

Speaking of stupid, what is the deal with parents? I made friends with this woman whose son plays on my son’s soccer team, and she tells me how they smuggle each other into the amusement park. The very next day she has her son text my son and invite him to the amusement park, telling him he doesn’t have to worry about paying. Hello? Not on my watch! My son can sit home with his sister and I and make fun of YouTube videos, leg wrestle on the living room floor, or paint each others toenails. The options are endless – and legal!

Everyone keeps asking me what I plan on doing after I graduate. I don’t know. I was sort of hoping to have Momma’s Boy all out there kicking up some curiosity. My guy Jason is working hard on filming it in Michigan right now. If we can get the trailer made for it, we’ll be able to put it on Kickstarter, IndieGoGo, etc. and have some backing. This is the time where we can’t let up or we’ll sink. One way or another, we're gonna float; either with passion or belly-up.

Oh, speaking of belly-up. I lost about 30 lbs, stressed out and gained over twenty back. I’m not happy with that, but I’ve got so many buns in the oven I can’t possibly keep track of the biggest set right now. When I start working, my stress will level out and I can concentrate on a real weightloss program. Then I can be hot again. Okay, not hot! I’m too worn for that, but I won’t have to shop at Big Barns. Those places checkout lines resemble cows going in for a milking. Ain't no one gonna milk me! I want to shine – like I used to. Little by little, I’m getting my life back. In one week, I’ll have one more obstacle down on rebuilding myself. Wish me luck! 

And by the way, I've lost my cap and gown! Since I'm unable to attend my graduation in Florida the way I wanted, I determined to use my photo on a green screen with the back drop of my school's photo to appear as if I had attended. I asked for help in searching for the cap and gown. No one thought it important -- until I held a $5 bill in my hand. My daughter disappeared, my son laughed, and before he finished she had returned with the box. Now I shall get to work! I need to have my graduation photo prepared for my final entry on The Write Woman.

The Write Woman has a Game Plan (88 Magical Days to Graduate)

Alright, the countdown grows serious and the sweat rises to the surface of my forehead. I crouch down, touching the ground with my fingertips at either side of my bent leg, my other stretched behind me ready to propel me forward. The time to baton down the hatches has arrived. So here’s the totally weird part. Get ready.

Because I have a class A CDL (Commercial Drivers License, but my trainer looked a lot different. His cleavage wasn’t hairless.) I earned it a long time ago, and it’s a real pain in the ass to regain if I let it go, I went ahead and renewed it—sort of a fallback. Okay, more than that. Insecurity. I didn’t know if I’d be able to find my passion position in writing. But then I did it! 

I sent my resume and received a response asking for a sample spiel for a commercial. Because I was having so much fun with writing, I sent three. I figured, what the hey! If they liked it they might read the next and decide they want more. After sending them, I received a call from a lovely girl for an interview, whom I will not name for her own preservation. I’m totally psyched! I’m so psyched out I looked up the company on the Internet to take notes, but got so caught up I forgot to write a lot down. Their chef is extraordinary and so is the gal I spoke with. It will be a travesty if, after all my note taking and video watching, I don’t get the position. They’re advocates of natural food and families. And the best part? It’s located in American Fork, so we can relocate back to Draper. Yeah! Go Team!

We spent a portion of yesterday watching movies. I watched Wit with Emma Thompson and was reintroduced to the Charles Dickens Christmas Carol with a sprinkle of realism tossed in—oh yeah, and without the happy ending. Okay, a shower of realism. The show was a serious reality check with the manners hospital care workers typically display, but I believe the artist’s message was that in a hospital intelligence of the patience doesn’t matter, it’s all about the money. She was focused on intelligence instead of humanity, so her time in the hospital was spent without visitors. Locke, starring Tom Hardy was horrible! I don’t understand how it could have received a four-star rating. The first 25 minutes was spent in his car talking on the phone. That’s as far as I made it before I couldn’t take it any more.

Now my son has me participating in a computer game, online, entitled Karaoke Party. It’s pretty fun, but I stink fairly bad. I got second place on Guns ‘n Roses Paradise City, so I can’t complain. My neighbors' opinion will probably differ, but being who they are, I'm sure they deserve it.

Weird? Yeah, the neighbors and my kids would agree with you there, and maybe my new employers, but they’ll have to get to know me first.

95 Freakin’ Days? Are you Kidding? (That's right!)

In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m graduating in less than 100 days! My life will change dramatically when I graduate. I’ll lose all my school friends—well, maybe the real friends will continue being my friends, right? At least that’s what everybody says. It would be nice to actually meet my friends though. So that brings me to graduation day, which is September 4, 2015. It’s also my final birthday of being able to say I’m forty-something, which is pretty much what I do now. That way I’ve got the slight chance they’ll think I’m 45ish. But I’ve heard terrible things about graduation and the way the whole scheduley thing changes. No, I don’t think “scheduley thing” is correct. Yes, I’m a writer. But I think being a professional writer should allow me some deliberate breaks in writing. Being perfect is a hard criteria to live up to, and everyone needs a break from perfection. Even me!

            This past week, my kids and I lived off of two bags of flour, a large package of grated cheese, Italian seasoning, a package of diced ham, two gallons of milk, ½ container of oatmeal, 4 packages of spaghetti noodles, and 8 jars of spaghetti sauce. Think this is a lot? Let me tell you, I skipped at least one meal every day, and sometimes two. The good news is, my appetite has dwindled. The bad news? When I don’t eat, my teeny-tiny daughter won’t either. And I hear you saying, “Why don’t you fake it?” You can’t fake eating! Faking orgasms, I can do that. But that won’t help the situation much.

Our trip will DEFINITELY be more eventful than the Griswold's

            So I was talking to my friend today on the phone and I mentioned going to Winter Park, Florida for graduation. Flying is way expensive, and by the time I could afford the tickets they’d be sending my urn. Granted it would be less expensive, but it would sort of defeat the purpose. I figured a road trip might be fun! See the countryside, see  America’s biggest ball of string, or the smallest house. I’m not sure what we’d find, but it would be a stretch from what my kids are used to. Five years ago, we went to California and had the time of our lives at Disneyland. Doing that again, on the opposite coast, would be incredible! Putting up with the kids for 2,310.9 miles one-way? Could be another story.

            Today we went to Costco to renew my membership, thinking that I’ll start working soon and will need to save money. They asked me if I wanted to keep my executive account. I don’t really get why I said “yes,” but I did. Turns out, when I had my account 5 years ago, they still had my info. on file. Apparently, they’d tried to send me my yearly refund and it was returned. Guess how I paid for my membership renewal? Yeah! Basically, it was free! Strange how that works.

The cheapest and tastiest pizza EVER!

            I invented this new sort of pizza last night. The night before, with all my snazzy ingredients, I made homemade ravioli. (But a much simpler version.) That’s right, I made dough and everything, and then stuffed it with cream cheese and mozzarella. Yummy! When I was finished, I had some dough left over and was afraid to throw it out. I opened the practically empty fridge last night and found two strips of half frozen ravioli dough. Pulling it out, I rolled it so thin I could have rolled a doobie with it. Did I say “doobie”? The dough was paper thin, I tell you. I used the homemade rice paper, spread with tomato sauce, diced ham, coated with cheese and baked it for 7 minutes. I made a cracker pizza that was smokin’ good. (And that’s just old school talk.)

            But tonight I did some investing in The Film Scene. We were supposed to watch Avengers:

"You up all night to Loki? I'm up all night to get Thor!"

Age of Ultron. Magnificent movie that caught my attention at the beginning when they all hit a slo-mo moment overlaid while fighting. The show was nearly 2.5 hours, but worth every single second. The only thing my simple little mind isn’t particularly fond of is the absence of Pepper, and the addition of four new characters. Now I’m aware of comics enough to be aware the X-men and the Avengers have thousands of characters in their house, but following them all in one show can be so confusing! And what of the Incredible Hulk? Sure, he’s green, but the Widow wants him. I’m not sure I’d get involved with someone named Black Widow, but I’m not going to hold it against him. The ultimate bad guy was played by non other than James Spader, but I didn't find out 'til the credits at the end, and boy, was I surprised. The Avenger that makes me giddy is heavenly Thor. Good night! And it is late, so I bid you adieu.