The barbecue was fun but because my body doesn’t process
pork or beef well, let me say the hotdogs pulled the plug on my weekend. Nikki
enjoyed herself with my ailment and Cameron at his father’s as she pranced
about the house naked, her hair tucked under her armpits from behind, declaring
she had armpit hair. Uncertain as to what is entertaining about behaving this
way, she never got dressed and performed her maiden au naturel routine several
times throughout the weekend. My ass was too sore and my bowels too loose to
laugh a lot.
Nikki did dress long enough to accompany her mother to the
library yesterday so I could post about my Cougar fantasy and the low cost way
to appear younger. While we were there, she begged me to bring home the Dr.
Seuss book, Yertle the Turtle. That
book made me want to get a T-shirt declaring, “I burped for Obama!”
Nikki, on the other hand, suggested I create a movie about O-Yertle.
First, the Dr.’s wife would never want a movie like that released. I informed Nikki people didn’t watch movies like
that for an education. I reminded her of Mike Myers and Dakota Fanning in The Cat in the Hat and what a big deal
of nothingness, except for fun and crass humor, it was—a bad investment.
Even though it was his wife’s choice to submit the movie, because he’s dead, it
isn’t an event he would have presented wholeheartedly. In
that regard, he’s been immortalized by his wife’s participation in doing the
exact thing he was against his whole life—selling him out.
Keeping in mind there’s no television service at my house
and we don’t frequent the movie house, have you ever seen the movie with Jeff
Bridges and Ryan Reynolds called R.I.P.D?
At first, I was disappointed in my skeptical way of considering it a reinvented
Men in Black, which I guess it sort
of is. The difference is instead of aliens from another planet pretending to be
human the villains are dead guys inhabiting live bodies. Ever since seeing Jeff
Bridges in Star Man, I’ve never
considered him much of an actor. However in this movie, he was pretty darned
awesome. I watched it three times, crossing my legs to laugh with Mary-Louise
Parker as a black man.
So in lieu of the fact I feel as if I’ve been using aluminum
foil for toilet paper the entire weekend, Nikki and I had a fairly decent time,
dancing armpit hair and all. She was an absolute angel—until her brother got
home. Have you seen the third X-men movie where Jane is discovered to have dual personalities? If so, you know
exactly what I’m talking about. Cameron sitting on one side, arm draped across
my stomach and Nikki on the other, my stomach became a table for an arm
wrestling match. Needless to say, in my condition, this isn’t the best
situation. Let the games begin!
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