The Write Woman Cries “It isn’t fair!” (268 Days Left)

          

  When men lose weight, the fact their girth is less is a good thing all over. When women lose weight, their stupid bodies choose where the weight will come off—breasts first, ass last. It’s a treacherous fact of life and for those increasing their health, it’s a crime. I work out between one and two hours a day, at least five days a week, and I’ve got a lot of butt to work off, but is that where the results are apparent? No sir! In school I was known as “Bubbles.” I naïvely thought my personality was the cause, but no such luck. Some say it was because of my breasts and others say it was because of my derriere. Either way, now I resemble a water cooler with bubbles on the inside—praying someone will refer to me as Bubbles because of my exuberant personality.

            Last weekend, my daughter and I took a hiatus and had a healthy junk food celebration of togetherness. We played a terrific round of “Cashflow for Kids,”by Robert Kiyosaki. Nikki caught on quick. We talked about investing and why spending money on items such as candy and toys isn’t usually a good idea. It was a ton of fun and we didn’t eat anything while we played.

            But Friday night we ate this terrific fruit platter with chocolate dip. I was even pretty good and didn’t dip too much. Then I pulled out the cashews and dipped my banana before adding nuts. Oh my gosh! I was in so much heaven, we didn’t even stop to eat our typical Friday night pizza. Instead we ate huge turkey Dagwood’s and watched Maleficent and a Scooby Doo Frankencreepy movie from Redbox. BTW, when you rent from Redbox and reserve it on the computer, your time starts from when you reserve it, NOT when you pick it up. I found out the hard way. What was my opinion of the movies? Since my children are easily frightened, they like mysteries to figure out without being so scared I need to walk to the restroom with them. I would give this show an eight star review.

            Maleficient? Eh, although Angelina Jolie is an outstanding actress, she just isn’t good enough to change from a long flowing dress to a black shiny unitard and then back again without the audience noticing. I also thought Elle Fanning is cute, but as Snow White? I’ve always pictured Snow White with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and ebony black hair—a bit more than dark brown eyebrows. All in all, I was impressed with Isobelle Molloy as the younger Maleficent and have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of her in the future.

            This brings us back to what I was saying at the beginning of this article. Angelina Jolie has had a double mastectomy and still looks incredible. If I could afford the surgery—nah! I wouldn’t change a thing. But if my butt could somehow be shifted to my breasts, we’d be onto something. Maybe standing on my head would help? Gravity is having a tug on everything else.

       

     Speaking of artificially tweaking things, my daughter ate part of her apple last night and this morning I found it half-eaten on the table. Was it yucky brown in the center with the peel curling on the edges? No discoloration at all. Can you believe that? This scientifically enhanced food can’t be good for our bodies. So in honor of this discovery, I have written a story for you to enjoy. It’s called Beautiful Girl, after the Van Halen song. Remember that? Have a peek!